i like omelets.

and it took me forever to learn how to make them. all the cookbooks seemed to have instructions like "allow the egg mixture to fluff and turn rapidly will adding the ingredients in an aesthetic manner" and mentioned that omelets are a bit difficult to make. all i managed to make were scrambled eggs of hot death. oh, they tasted ok, but they weren't omelets.

i finally had to watch my roommate make one to figure out what the fuck they were talking about. (that was back when we were still dating. i was really impressed with his omelet making prowess. take note, dudes. omelets are sexy.)

(a quick aside. never ever chase pepperonchinis with a cab-merlot if you have acid reflux disease.) OUCH!!

ok, i'm back. and here's how to make an omelet:

  • break up two or three eggs and beat 'em up in a bowl. add milk. or don't. see if i care. (but anyway, don't add much, or shit won't hold together right.)
  • take a ten inch skillet for the two or three eggs and get it warm. i usually fry up the stuff to go in a little first, but whatever. throw a little olive or pan lube of your choice in and let it get warm.
  • pour in the eggs. if they don't start cooking immediately your pan wasn't hot enough. tough shit. start over.
  • let stuff just cook for a moment. if you're like me, you're thinking you should have to move the eggs or incant something or, well, something. but that's the beauty, don't do anything for a moment. but pay attention.
  • if it looks like the eggy stuff on the top isn't going to get solid fast enough, lift up on the edges and let the liquid eggy stuff run under the eggy stuff that's already cooked.
  • when it looks like most of the eggy stuff is somewhat solid, pour you omelet stuffing all on one side.
  • here's the somewhat tricky part- take a spatula and flip the other side over the ingredients so that the eggy flat part is neatly folded exactly in half. brown it a little, unless your cooking it for my mom who prefers her eggs raw and slightly chilled. (the really gross part is that's how she prefers her fried chicken too. is it any wonder i'm vegetarian?)
  • serve it to the member of the appropriate sex you're trying to get on with. preen.

and that's it, how to make an omelet. as for what to put in it, have some creativity folks- that's the fun part- anything pretty much works.