Who's conspiracy is it anyway? Their bacon plagues the pizza 
parlors of our inner cities. We are powerless over their rib sticking 
syrupp ( seee even my pp button is sticking )).  Our very borders may be 
shrikingg by the second, and all of these atrocities go unnoticed, orr do 
they?
	Underground America has been formed. People all over this wide ( 
and very nicely painted, with plenty of green shrubberies) country of 
ours are silently rebelling. From the seemmiingly harmless drive-bby 
shootings, bike accidents, and manure unabombs (uni if you only want 1, 
dial 1-800-una-bomb, you get a free vase of flowers with each order), our 
comreds( 1960-69), pals and subsidized farmers are working to push back 
the borders, but at the same time trying desperately hard to keep the 
smashing cinematographic masterpieces and a few choice hockey teams. 
Of course with every great uderground movement (i.e. plate tectonics), 
there must be some dissenters. No not the Brady bunch. Those lost souls 
that have nothing better to do than to play on the net and devise new 
partial plots against America to throw all of those potato farmers a red 
herringg. But be hicks be not confused, the C#nadians are out to get all 
of us. Who do you think made the first computer virusess( damn there goes 
the ss). And if you don't  believe, just ask the illuminati, if you can 
find them!

... and bursting through the lavoratory doors he came,  clutching tightly 
in his right hand the last remaining copy of Milli-Vannilli's album, and 
shouting, " I have seen the light, switch, and it is off." He then threw 
himself at the floor in an attempt to fly, and ended his life, as his 
melon caught the edge of an peanut M&M dispenser. The patrons of JaimieMs 
rat on a stick would have been otherwise repulsed by this blatant act of  
clumsiness and spilled brain parts, except for the fact that they now had 
all of the peanut M&MMs that they could eat, and some lovely polaroids to 
share with their friends.

	That was the year they stole the moon. No one actually saw them 
take it, mind you, it was simply a matter of us waking up one night, and 
it was gone. Of course, there are those that believe that it was not 
stolen at all, simply misplaced. Some believe that  it was a handy 
storage place for all of those multi warheaded nuclear weapons, and the 
buffoon that works at the concierge desk accidentally lit a match. Others 
believe that the batteries just went out. Why not, we forgot to check 
them anyway. I prefer to believe that someone out there just really loves 
nachos and they ran out of cheese.