i'm writing this to be fair to carl. it's my fault, just as it was in the case of auggie smith. i've probably done the possibility of a friendship in. but also i am the one taking the easy way out, i am the one throwing people away. i am the mean one, the critic. i see my critic in them, it's what makes me feel so small and helpless. it makes me hide the better parts of myself. i see in them where i am caught in self pity, and i can't even really see them anymore. i'm sorry.
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